She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
