My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
