Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
