how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
