please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He did a backflip because drugs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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