Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He kissed a someone with a penis
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i out mim tonsoeep
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