i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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