this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
found the other keg... it's in the tree
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
