Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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