rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
