lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize