Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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