Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
