you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
