just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I believe in your delicious
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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