am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
