Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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