I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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