I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
