"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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