Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
