On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My bed smells like the plague
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
