Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
