paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
