he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
