my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
did i just pee glitter
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
