Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
there's paper in my vomit.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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