We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
