I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
