Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
