I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
