If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
