She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
