We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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