id be glad to
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
