we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
