My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
