First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
