Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
