i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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