living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
