do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I will pee on everything he values.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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