I feel like abortions should bother me more
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
