i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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