Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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