you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
