Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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