i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
