if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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