I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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