none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
