He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there's paper in my vomit.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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