i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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