Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
