I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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