My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
