I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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