I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
