Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
