i just google imaged poop.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
