Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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