I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
