$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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