I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize