: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
