dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
