party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i drank out of a bidet.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
