My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize