it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
