ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
