He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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