just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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