sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
