don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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