girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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