Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
