I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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