Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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