Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
