I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
