I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
