i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize