He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
