i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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