The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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