i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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