I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
