I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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