i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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