Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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