Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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