some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
