suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
